Marcus-I'm a giant nerd-I'm a man child-In a world where men try to catch them all I found the one worth them all-Loved and in love

 

What more do I need to fucking do to be “worthy” of you.

People can speak with such definity about how they know all this stuff that happens when we die. That their is a god who is everywhere and nowhere all at once. Yet how could you possibly know that. They say that that’s the point of faith. Believing in what you can’t see. You see I was told my whole life about things that I just had to believe in. The Tooth Fairy, Santa, the Easter Bunny. It was all a lie so that I behaved myself. How am I supposed to believe that there is some all powerful being out there who will only let me life forever in happiness if I dedicate my life to him. And if I don’t then I’m going to be tortured forever. What the fuck what kind of fucking “father” tortures their child for all of time because they weren’t up to his standards? It doesn’t make sense. I want to believe. But I can’t believe in something that wouldn’t love me for who I am. The person he created.

Wrestling with the idea of life. Is it all worth it? Pop out a couple kids. Marry someone. Suffer through 30 years of working to survive. Grow old. And die. What’s the point. Why do I exist. When I die what’s the point of me ever being alive. You spend your whole life working to live with the fear that at any given moment you could die. Is it worth it?

Tired of doing things in life that I don’t want to do with the promise that in the long run it’s worth it. You can’t possibly know what’s worth it and what’s not. Life is a fucking gamble and I’d much rather do stuff now that I love that to get through the shit with the hope that I love what’s on the other side.